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Rachel Wheeler

My Story: I Didn't Know I Was Autistic—Until Everything Fell Apart

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For most of my life, I couldn’t explain why the world felt so overwhelming.

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Socializing drained me. Sensory input hit me like a freight train. I either overreacted or shut down. I’d replay conversations for hours, trying to figure out what went wrong.

 

I worked hard—really hard—to seem “normal.” I achieved, I adapted, I held it all together.

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On the outside, I looked calm, competent, in control.

Inside? I was running on fumes.

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What I didn’t realize until years later was that I was autistic. And ADHD. And had a PDA profile—Pervasive Drive for Autonomy—where even small demands can trigger a full-body threat response.

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That realization didn’t come in graduate school or through a diagnostic checklist.

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It came from parenting.

Rachel Wheeler

Supporting Autistic Men with a Tailored Approach

The Moment I Saw Myself for the First Time
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When my daughter was young, I noticed how sensitive she was.

 

How quickly she overloaded. How hard it was for her to comply with even the gentlest requests. How she couldn’t stand being controlled.

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In her, I saw the things I had spent my life hiding.

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Supporting her gave me the language I never had for myself. It’s what launched my deep, ongoing study of autism, ADHD, sensory needs, trauma, emotional regulation, masking, PDA, and identity.

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What started as a mother’s search to understand her child turned into my life’s work—and my personal awakening.

Neurodiversity Is My Special Interest

If there were a doctorate in neurodiversity, I’d already have it.

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I’ve taken more than 50 advanced trainings focused on autism, ADHD, PDA, trauma, and neurodivergent communication and attachment.

 

I’ve studied sensory processing, masking, shutdowns, meltdowns, demand avoidance, relational burnout, and late diagnosis.

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But this isn’t just academic for me.

I’ve lived it. I still live it.

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I know what it’s like to hit the edge of your capacity and feel like the world is asking more than you can give. I know what it’s like to be brilliant in one area and flooded in another.

 

I know how easy it is to be misread—and how damaging that can be over time.

What Is PDA—and Why Does It Matter?

PDA is often described as Pathological Demand Avoidance, but I prefer Pervasive Drive for Autonomy—because that’s what it really is.

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People with a PDA profile (like me) have a nervous system that treats demands—external or internal—as threats.

 

Even something as small as “brush your teeth” or “respond to that email” can trigger resistance, shutdown, or explosive energy.

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It’s not defiance. It’s not laziness. It’s nervous system survival.

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This shows up in autistic men all the time—but it’s rarely recognized. You might think you’re just unmotivated or oppositional.

 

You’re not. You’re wired for autonomy, and the more pressure you feel, the more your system fights back.

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In therapy, we work with that—not against it.

Why Autistic Men Work with Me

You may have gone undiagnosed for years—or just recently discovered you’re autistic.
 

You may have learned to survive by staying quiet, being agreeable, or keeping your emotions locked down.
 

Or you may have exploded under the pressure of trying to “keep it together” in a world that constantly misunderstands you.
 

I work with autistic men who:
 

  • Have masked for decades and are exhausted by the performance
     

  • Struggle to explain their needs or feelings without being misread
     

  • Experience shutdowns or meltdowns but don’t always see them coming
     

  • Have been told they’re too much, too blunt, too intense—or not enough
     

  • Are in relationships that feel confusing, overwhelming, or lonely
     

  • Have a PDA profile and need help navigating authority, expectations, or internal pressure
     

In therapy, I help you:
 

  • Understand your neurology and how it affects your behavior, emotions, and relationships
     

  • Explore what’s really going on beneath the surface reactions
     

  • Learn how to set boundaries that feel empowering, not isolating
     

  • Reduce internal shame by replacing blame with accurate self-understanding
     

  • Build tools that respect your autonomy while increasing connection

This Isn’t Neurotypical Therapy with a “Twist”

This is a space built for your wiring from the ground up.

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You don’t have to translate what you’re feeling.

 

You don’t have to mask.

 

You don’t have to fake eye contact or try to say the “right” thing.

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You just have to show up.

 

We’ll do the work together—from a place of mutual respect, clarity, and radical honesty.

My Marriage Is Neurodiverse, Too

My husband and I were best friends before we married. That gave us a strong foundation—but even so, our differences nearly broke us.
 

He didn’t understand why I shut down. I didn’t understand why he needed so much verbal reassurance.

Our fights weren’t loud—but the silence was devastating.
 

Everything shifted when I got diagnosed.

 

The diagnosis didn’t “fix” us—but it gave us a map. It helped us stop blaming each other and start accommodating each other.

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Now, we co-create a relationship that fits both of us. That experience deeply informs my work with neurodiverse couples, including men who’ve struggled to explain what’s really going on in their inner world.

Credentials & Training
 

  • MS in Advanced Clinical Practice, Columbia University
     

  • Two years of study at the C.G. Jung Institute in Switzerland
     

  • PDA North America Level 2 Certified
     

  • PAST PDA UK Level 3 Certified
     

  • 50+ advanced trainings in neurodivergence, trauma, and relationships

License/Employment
 

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